The Diary of Memories
by That One Idiota
Summary: Summary: On a bittersweet day, Feliciano found himself searching through his brothers stuff... Is it possible to fall in love with someone who's long gone? GerIta, Itacest, mention of Spamano, Human names used... This is mainly Itacest though xP. [Rated M incase I decide to change something ;3, language, yaoi, incest,...]
1. Prologue-Intro

_Ah... Today is going to be a wonderful day_...

So Feliciano Vargas had thought. Today was May 17th, a specific day. The Itallian expected to wake up to birds chirping, and the morning sun casting it's radiant rays of light... Instead, he was rudely disturbed by a large rumble of thunder. "Wha...?" He groaned, opening his left eye, he noticed the window that should have a wonderful view of blue, green, and other vibrant colors... Was instead, full of grey, clear, dark hues of what was beauty. Does clear define color? Yes, yes it does. Tears do not have color, neither does rain, nor the tropical oceans. They hold no color, though they do have form. A blank screen is considered art, a simple form of it.

He blinked in response to the rain, and sighed a bit. His mind foggy, and his stomach matching the pace of the angry thunder. Or, so it seemed. To be completely honest, he was in dire need of food, he could not think or do much without eating. Like many of his food fanatic friends- he had a high metabolism. Everyone always wondered- how could he eat so much yet not gain a single inch to his waist and gut? Along with the pressure of his friend, Ludwig Beilshdmit, who constantly makes him train daily (with struggle of course). Along with the quiet, Japanese man. Kiku Honda, or as he prefers to be called. Honda Kiku. Either way... They all call him Kiku.

"Meh..." He dragged himself out of his cozy bed and blankets. Landing on the floor with a light thud, he immediatly woke up. "Ve!" A tick he has an 'addiction' of saying, he scrambled off the cold wooden floor. He hopped over to the window, bare feet landing on the thin, yet better then the freezing floor- carpet. He hugged himself, shivering ever so slightly. His house was colder then expected- last night he could have sworn turning it to a stable 73 degrees! He had a look of discomfort as he adjusted to the freezing of his room. "Man...! And my-a clothes are in the closet- wayyyy over there...!" He whined childishly, and inhaled- then exhaled. "Now or never as Luddy would say!" A nickname, a nickname he only used, or seemed to use. Maybe it was because Ludwig hated nicknames- infact he _loathed_ nicknames. Feliciano was an exception, he was a forgetful, childish, 22 year old after all... Then again, Ludwig had been going on small 'dates' with Feliciano...

Oh my, Feliciano had already picked out his clothes for today. He even went to the expense of picking out his nighttime clothes! "Hm... Red- or green?" He asked himself, humming a song he heard on the radio. Or maybe it was the one his friend sent online...? He didn't know- he just loved the tune that played in his mind. He decided on green, for what you may ask? A short-sleeved dress shirt, over a white, plain long-sleeved shirt with a cartoonish plate of pasta with tomatoes along side. It just had a home like feel to it, his choice of jeans- -were well jeans. Dark blue jeans, nothing too fancy. Soft, and amazing white socks- and his boxers... A light red, not pink but close. Shoes, red converse.

"Right, that's... Stylish?" Feliciano thought to himself, shrugging. He picked the clothes up, and walked to the bathroom. Ignoring the cold that embraced him- at least the shower would be warm and pleasant... Till he had to get out, of course... Leaving his nighttime clothes to frown sadly, nothing too sweet were said about them... A regular black tanktop, and light red shorts- almost like his boxers... Hah, what an amazing coincidence...!

The adjuster turned with ease, warm water instantly fell out. Making him smile softly, all he had to do was... Undress. He walked by the mirror, making sure his hair wasn't knotted- how he hates when he's trying to condition his hair and it's tangled. Making it a hassle- another difficult addition was his curl- that thing was the worse. It was like a cowlick one like his sorta-friend Alfred F. Jones had. Only... Well, not to go into detail. The curl was more _sensitive_ then any strand of hair... Thus making mornings a difficult routine, otherwise all day he ignores it. That is- unless strong force is acted upon it...

"Ve...! I look nice!" He said, thinking maybe he didn't need a shower... Okay, maybe he did need one. Defeated, or more like persuaded- he lifted his shirt up... He blinked at the mirror, before he looked away and awkwardly undressed. He had no idea why it was so awkward, even if he was alone it was just so... Weird, as if someone was watching him... He shivered, making a face of disgust. What if someone was watching him?! What if it was some killer? He paced to the shower and went underneath the warm drizzle...

He sighed in content, hugging himself with a small smile. He was clean, and now smelt like vanilla... He made a confused face, he felt as if he was forgetting something... Hm... He had already brushed his teeth, combed his hair, put on all of his clothes... He sighed quietly, maybe he'd remember later. Exiting the bathroom, he noticed it was still raining... Only a bit more gently now, that meant the sun would be up soon! He smiled a bit more, his amber eyes shining in the lightning that struck by... Wait- Lightning?! He dashed to the window, footsteps stomping loudly as he pressed his face to the glass. His smile drooped to a dissapointed blank stare. "Ah... Mama Nature, why are you so cruel~?"


	2. Chapter 1- Lost and Found

(_**A/n;**__ 'Aye, if anyone is reading this sorry for the delays on my stories! D:. I think I finally got the format right... Nah, sorry if it's close. New to this... Carry on! c:_ )

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Feliciano sighed dramatically as he turned away from the window. The smallest of frowns plastered on his peachy face. Till he finally remembered, the reason he had gotten up in the first place was to eat breakfast! His award winning smile returned as he trotted on the wooden floor, satisfied his socks and shoes where protecting him from the coldness of the house... Which made him shiver, his hair still damp and now that he remembered his hair... The curl was pestering him. "Meep" He whined oddly as his face flushed. Having a curl such as his was pesky and the reason why he disliked wearing shirts or long-sleeves clothes while he slept. Honestly, he wished he could cut the damn thing off!

Hand resting on the golden doorknob, making him even more cold. Oh the irony! Feliciano stared blankly at the slightly chipped door, before twisting the knob and the slightly warm hallway engulfing him. He sniffed the air, a strong feeling of nostalgia wrapping an arm around him. Eyes shooting open- he ran down the hall, almost as quick when he sees Arthur Kirkland! His shoes echoed throughout the large house as he ran down the steps, yes it may have been morning but it was still dark in the house. Mainly since he was lazy and preferred to not be blinded so soon. He skipped the last 5 steps as he landed on the cobblestone floor which was by the front door- before taking a sharp turn as he slid into the kitchen. Eyes darting around for the magnificent source, he saw nothing which depressed him. No pasta, of course. He was the only one to have lived in the house... Though he definitely smelt it.

Feliciano sighed, though figured since he had made the effort to eat the pasta that wasn't there- he may as well make it himself. Another sigh as he walked to the stove, setting it on low as he began to look through the drawers for a spoon, his eyes drifted to the table. Widening at the sight of not one- but two plates of delicious pasta. Steam still rising, leaving him to ponder in his thoughts, until his stomach growled. In which case his hungry lust told the Italian to eat it- after shutting the stove off of course. He complied, walking to the stove and the flames stopped. The little light was gone- yet the curtains didn't blind the house entirely... It was still sorta dark though. He walked to the table, and pulled the chair out as he sat down. "However-a made this- thank you~" He began to eat the pasta, absolutely happy the fact it was hot and not warm. Pasta is ALWAYS the best served fresh.

After he had finished the delicious pasta, he was just putting the plate away when his curl twitch. Instead of some weird blush, a confused look as he shut the tap water off. He looked back at the table, and frowned sadly seeing the forgotten plate of pasta. He did a weird sort of swaying of arms as he whined. "Nooooo! It's going to-a go baaaaaaad". He flopped around till he sighed, ready to throw the pasta away- when he tesned up. "Feliciano, calm down". He turned around, obviously shocked- "Luddy!". Yes, it was the German indeed. "Luddy!" Feliciano called like a romance movie when the two lovers run into each others grasp. Ludwig sighed heavily as he was hugged by Feliciano. "You made the pasta?" "Yes..." "Ve! It was-a good, thank you~".

When Ludwig had left (after he was done eating his pasta), Feliciano was bored. He laid on the living room couch as the TV blared some morning cartoons. Even with the TV's childhood nostalgia he was still bored. More bored then watching paint dry, and the pain was a boring grey. Absolutely boring. The rain outside wasn't helping either, it just left him in a gloomy bored state. His amber eyes lidded with sleepiness, yet so early in the morning. Though, Feliciano DID have a rude awakening. Thunder, rain, lightning... Though his tiredness vanished instantly as he heard a loud Crash! From upstairs. "What the-?!" He sat upright, scared. Did a tree fall in? Or someone broke in- or even-... His dreaded thoughts went silent as he watched a beige cat scamper down the steps... Pooki. The cat ran off to God knows where. Leaving Feliciano to sigh.

"... Well, may as well-a see what he-a knocked over..." Feliciano murmured to himself as he got off the couch, tired and annoyed. Believe me, he LOVED Pooki but he was troublesome at times. He wandered to the front door, peeking out the window. Not a single soul was to be seen. Feliciano sighed again as he began to head upstairs.

There goes that feeling...

The empty, forgetful feeling he felt when he awoke. He made it to the top, eyes looking down the narrow hall. Absolutely nothing. With further inspection, Feliciano noticed a peculiar room door was open... One he had not noticed for quite sometime, as he had paid no attention towards it. As soon as he remembered, he understood why he felt so empty this morning. Even aside from the rain. Sudden guilt mixing with sorrow as his eyes went to the floor. Brimming with tears. Shaky breath as he remembered the horrible things he wanted to forget...

...

Today was the day, when Lovino Vargas had passed away...


	3. Chapter 2- Crying and Comfort

( **A/n**: Ahah, sorry for the delay. owo. I got insparation from "The Fray" !. )

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No...

Feliciano continued to stare at the floor, the silence that was his surroundings only made him more depressed. His minds went from Lovino to the guilt of having forgot such a thing. Both dealing with him, yet why did each thought make the tears fall more?

"I'm sorry...". Feliciano murmured to Lovino, despite knowing there was obviously no reason he could hear. Feliciano sniffled loudly as he wiped his eyes, ignoring the curious Pooki who was staring up at him. If only Pooki knew and understood why there wasn't swearing anymore... The thought hurt, what kind of brother forgets such a thing?! Let alone one who lives in the house since then. The guilt was enough to make him cry all over again. Feliciano's amber eyes found interest at the little puddle from where his tears had fallen. A sad smile tugged at the corner of his lips, as Lovino would say...

"_Cry a river why don't you_"

_Feliciano shook his head at Lovino's cocky comment. Not even smiling which worried Lovino. "... What's wrong?" Lovino asked with a heavy sigh, his green eyes searching for an answer in the amber eyes of Feliciano's. Obviously, if Feliciano didn't hug him or smile something serious happened. Espescially if he said the "river" thing. "Feliciano, answer me". Lovino growled, quickly growing annoyed and impatient. Feliciano shook his head once more, hiccuping and sniffling like a baby. It was just as bad as seeing a girl cry for Gods sake!_

_"Damn it Feliciano! What is your-a problem?!". Lovino snarled, his temper was at its lowest. He wasn't answering, he wasn't even looking at him. And besides, this was his brother! What sibling wouldn't be as worried to be so impatient? Even Ludwig was like this- hell! Even the insensible Gilbert. Feliciano continued to cry, before stuttering out a simple word in fear of being interrogated so rudely. "A-Alfred". Immediately Lovino scowled at the mention of the American's name. "What did that-a bastard do?". Lovino was somewhat calmer since he responded instead of ignoring him. "H-He" Feliciano hiccuped more before continuing. "He a-and big b-rother-a Francis w-where-a teasing me-a!". _

_Oh._

_Lovino scoffed and flicked him on the forehead. "I thought they-a hit you-a or something". Of course, Feliciano flinched at the gesture and continued to cry. Lovino sighed and mentally slapped himself for doing that. "_Way to go asshole_". Lovino thought to himself, "What did they-a say?". Lovino crossed his arms over his chest as his posture slanted a bit, his messy white dress shirt swayed ever so slightly. "T-That -". Feliciano began to cry again, wailing this time. "Jesus Christ Feliciano, calm down-a!". Lovino yelled, before Feliciano said the one thing that made him want to murder someone._

_"That you-a hate m-me a-and that I-I'm boring a-and!". Feliciano was silenced by a gentle and awkward hug. "Idiota! Why didn't you-a say that sooner!". Lovino said, sighing and fighting the urge to pull the- "I'll kick their ass" card, since most likely Felicano would beg him out of it. "B-Because i-it's true-a!". Feliciano said trying to exit the grip to run to his room and continue to cry. "Tsk! You're-a mi fratello, I couldn't hate you-a even if I-a tried". Lovino said sighing as Feliciano stiffened. "B-But you-a always say-" "It's called brotherly love". Lovino said, cringing at the saying. "Brotherly l-love...?". Feliciano questioned aloud as he soon snuggled into the hug._

_"Yes, you-a bastard. Don't listen to-a them, they're idiots.". Lovino said as Feliciano stopped his childish and girlish crying. "Y-you say everyone-a are idiots, Lovi". Feliciano said laughing slightly, Lovino rolled his eyes as he pulled away and stared down at him with a small smile. "It's cause they are"._

Feliciano smiled as he wiped the last of his tears, he let out a sigh of relief as he halted it. Okay, now that he was down crying... Well, he still had the ache in his chest but aside from that- he felt less guilty. He could almost hear Lovino and the little comfort he gave him. Maybe that's why it helped him with his crying, it made it seem like someone was there for him.

Then it returned.

"Pooki, what did you-a knock over?". Feliciano cooed at the cat who was still beside him. Facing him as he lowered himself, well. More like looming over the poor feline. As soon as Feliciano asked, Pooki's ears drooped as he meowed softly. "It's alright-a, just-a tell me~". Pooki meowed in response as he scampered into Lovino's room.

Oh.

No.

"Uh...". Feliciano tensed up, knowing he'd have to... Enter the room. And overlook the room, see pictures in the room, see clothes, and smell the room... Ugh. He just had an emotional breakdown and already he was forced to enter the room he didn't want to enter. He didn't even want to ruin the ambiance! "Well, sooner or-a later...". Feliciano murmured as he shut his eyes and walked towards the room... Inching closer, he could smell the scent of Lovino. Okay, that was a bit creepy... Feliciano hesitated as he slowly opened his eyes, and...

He went limp as he eyed the surroundings.

The bed was still intact, the red blanket Lovino got for Christmas rested along the white sheets. The white pillows where still the way he had last seen it. The posters of Italy, and... GIRLS- where still there. Even the cook books, magazines and other reading material rested peacefully in their bookshelf!

The worst part...

Where the picture frames that where on tabletops, shelf tops, the walls, and finally... The one beside the bed.

Each frame had a neatly placed picture, each one with friends and family. And each consisting of the grumpy Lovino.

*Unnecessary room describing time*

The room was decent (not the movie, OH GOD NO), it was a larger then average sized room. Well, same size as Feliciano's. So technically, it was a rather large room- but it was still somewhat average. The floor was cleaner then any other floorboard in the house, a light wood due to Lovino's closet-fashion side, the walls looked white- but with higher inspection where a light cream color. Maybe peach, who knows? Only Lovino would know. The bed was a single bed- but for a single person bed- boy was it classy... A dark wood, mahogany? frame, it even had a drawer. IT EVEN HAD A BACK AND SIDE SHELF! Oh, it also had a window literally right on the side of it, overlooking the rainy streets...

To say the least...

The Vargas family inherited A LOT when their grandfather had passed away. Aside from the fact the two where rather busy bees...

"Wow... I-It's so...". Feliciano trailed off as he felt the aching in his chest grow. "So... C-Clean...". It was crazy, Lovino was a slacker and here... It was as neat as anything could be! Guess Feliciano didn't notice till now since he was always focused on his dear brother...

Feliciano ignored how creepy that sounded and just smiled softly, taking his mind to the feline who stood in the middle of the room. "Where?". Pooki meowed and turned around facing- the closet. "...Oh, okay...". Feliciano murmured as he walked towards the closet. A white closet- er. Cream or was it peach...? It was just like the walls alright?!. A golden doorknob stood out, as Feliciano creaked open the door- well...

"Pooki!?".

A box laid on the floor, scattered around where papers, they literally covered the entire closet floor. A book was the most noticeable in the mess. What the box rested atop was what appeared to be an dresser or a wooden box... "... Wha... How did you-a even get in here?!". Feliciano questioned the cat, whose ears where against his head. Feliciano let out an aggitated sigh as the cat shrunk further to the ground. "It's-a okay just...". Well, what Feliciano truly wanted to say- "_Just, why in his-a room!? It was closed and-a shut for a reason_!". Then again...

How did Pooki open the door in the first place...?

Feliciano knelt down as the cat scampered off. Reaching towards the box he dragged it out and looked inside... Nothing. Everything that must've been in was on the floor. Feliciano sighed once more as he reached to a random pile of papers and threw set them into the box...

Soon, all of the papers resided in the box- all that was left was the book. A red book with a "gold" frame and on the book read- "Journal". So, it wasn't a book it was a journal... Curiosity yelled at Feliciano to open it, but it was in Lovino's room. Meaning it was LOVINO's, not his...

However...

The childish mind has a high amount of curiosity, and sometimes... You just have to see.

Feliciano set the box to the side as he fumbled to grab the journal. Once in hand, Feliciano sat against the closet door as the journal rested in his lap."... Just one little-a look can't-a hurt...". He told himself, with hesitation he opened the book to the first page...


	4. Chapter 3- Entry One

(**A/n**: _Sorry, this chapter is short. I just wanted to say thanks for reading, sorry if it seemed/es rushed, my internet might be cut off today... Anyways, carry on!_ )

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"_Lovino V_". Feliciano read the "this journal belongs to", looking at the upper right corner he saw the date-... The date was March 17th, 2009. Feliciano found it difficult to believe it had been 5 years already, though when he went to the next page, well...

"_March 18th, 2010._

_Stupid Antonio got me tomatoes... Hah, it's not like I didn't want them but... Tomatoes? Really! Well, either way_..."

Lovino scratched his head as he thought what everyone else had got him and Feliciano... The mechanical pencil tapped at a empty space as he thought of the gifts... He "tsk"-ed as he rolled his green eyes and skipped the present talk. He read aloud what he was writing. "Either way, it was alright-a... I guess. Whatever, it's-a been a year since that-a damn Ludwig got me-a this... Diary- er. Journal, right... Anyways, I thought I should-a write in it to-a-muse him.". Lovino trailed off, thinking about how much he hated him. He was wondering why he even kept the damn thing, though he supposed it was a nice gift... From him, anyways. Lovino lost his train of thought as he wanted to slam his head on the desk and just forget the book existed.

Of course, another coughing fit made his mind go blank as he focused on the pain in his chest. He let the pencil go as he rested his hand on his chest, pressing down in hopes of easing it. Even though he knew it wouldn't work, he did it anyways. After a horrirble minute of coughing, he picked the pencil up and wrote in silence. He figured his excessive talking triggered the fit, clearing his throat he continued to write in the first entry.

"_Ugh, I fucking hate coughing fits... Feliciano says I should get it checked out- pfft, what the hell does he know? He's a damn chef and maid- speaking of which. That bastard cleaned my room! I don't know where my necklace is_...".

Felicano blinked, somewhat hurt his brother made it seem as if he was... Well, an idiot. Until Feliciano remembered the necklace... With a small gasp, Feliciano pulled the golden chain from under his shirt, ah. A golden cross chain- the one Lovino had lost... Feliciano kept silent as he fiddled with the jewlery before continuing to read the entry. It was nearly over anyways.

"_Screw it, I'll look for it... LATER- after I'm down filling this up. So, blah blah blah blah_".

Felicano skipped the lines as he stiffled his laughter, all up to the last sentence...

"_I think __**he**__'s back_"


End file.
